Death becomes us.
Ever since being here I have taken on a new perspective of life and how to deal with the end of it. Every time I am on the 45-minute marshrutka ride back from Bishkek I pass through miles and miles of cemeteries and graveyards. It seems like it is the main area where the people of Kyrgyzstan are laid to rest. Some of them are on hillsides, some of them are on valleys, some of them have gravestones, and some of them have mausoleums.
I think its part of the culture not to attach sadness as a means to deal with death. Yes, people mourn, but it’s in the context of paying respects, not for what is actually gone. My host Mama is 69 years old and she talks about dying all the time and every time she starts, I go to yell at her to tell her not to “talk like that”. Tanya corrects me and says, no she’s old, and it’s about her time. There’s no morbid undertone. They don’t assign meaning to death like that. Here you live your life and when you are unable to do all of the things you have done for yourself all along, then that’s it. It’s your time and they know when that time is and they’re ready. They’re ready without regrets, they just know that they have done the best they could.
For fear of sounding too psychological, I will try to be brief- but also since being here, life has changed in meaning for me too. Back at home we put so much emphasis on the question, “Am I happy?” And we wonder if our lives are fulfilling. I guess that is expected considering we don’t have to worry about where our next meal is going to come from or if we’ll have enough money to heat our home through the next winter. Here, it’s not a question of happiness, it’s a question of duty. Are you doing your job? Are you doing it well? It just seems like downsizing makes everything so much less complicated. Don’t worry though, I haven’t done a total 180… I still love my ipod just as much as the next person.
I think its part of the culture not to attach sadness as a means to deal with death. Yes, people mourn, but it’s in the context of paying respects, not for what is actually gone. My host Mama is 69 years old and she talks about dying all the time and every time she starts, I go to yell at her to tell her not to “talk like that”. Tanya corrects me and says, no she’s old, and it’s about her time. There’s no morbid undertone. They don’t assign meaning to death like that. Here you live your life and when you are unable to do all of the things you have done for yourself all along, then that’s it. It’s your time and they know when that time is and they’re ready. They’re ready without regrets, they just know that they have done the best they could.
For fear of sounding too psychological, I will try to be brief- but also since being here, life has changed in meaning for me too. Back at home we put so much emphasis on the question, “Am I happy?” And we wonder if our lives are fulfilling. I guess that is expected considering we don’t have to worry about where our next meal is going to come from or if we’ll have enough money to heat our home through the next winter. Here, it’s not a question of happiness, it’s a question of duty. Are you doing your job? Are you doing it well? It just seems like downsizing makes everything so much less complicated. Don’t worry though, I haven’t done a total 180… I still love my ipod just as much as the next person.
posted by Katie P. at 4:13 AM
2 Comments:
Very true, so much of philosophy derives from how we're placed in the scale of life. As for talking about dying as the old lady was doing, it's so much an Asian thing so-to-say to actually talk like that. You'd find that a lot in India too.
Kate- thanks for that. Death is a matter-of-fact, but still---I've had some big ole sorrow lately and your words bring relief...because of their logic.
Paying respects is very different than longing and deep sadness isn't it?
Duty before happiness? hum.....survival before self pity...yup. All very interesting and when it's put it into the simplest equations of the natural world, it's seems so normal, which we in the US tend to avoid with as much ego and passion as we can possibly muster.
bset to you...
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